“ One really ought to have people to do this sort of thing for one “ I said to the wife as I whizzed the Dyson around the dining room furniture, being sure to check for that nasty sticky fluff that accretes under chair legs.
“ it’s another Royal Wedding tonight pet” she said, tilting her head to one side with a wistful expression. How could I have forgotten this looming landmark in our lives? Was I growing anti-social with age?
“ I’ll defrost some frozen peas and we can spear them onto toothpicks next to small cubes of tofu and diced carrot, and we can toast the happy couple with some flat prosecco left over from the celebration we had when we finally paid off this year’s private health fund premiums.”
“ Oh darling” she whinnied “ what has become of us? “
“ My precious, we’ll be pensioners soon enough and we’ll look back on these golden carefree years with appropriate nostalgia”
It was then that I decided to buy a block of fruit and nut chocolate and hang the expense. It’s not every day a Windsor ties the knot, and I won’t have to touch the 2004 vintage Dom Perignon I stashed away for Trump’s untimely demise or impeachment, whichever comes first.
Editor’s note: For ‘untimely’ read ‘overdue’